Lean Cuisine Four Cheese Pizza: a paradox

I’ve purchased many Lean Cuisine Four Cheese Pizzas in my life, and almost every time I am finished eating one I tell myself to never buy another one. To be fair, I might not have bought this one except for this blog.

When I open the microwaveable box I get my hopes up for a minute, because I can imagine the pizza coming out OK. I feel kind of like a secret agent while placing the frozen pizza onto the flipped open silver coated interior of the box, or maybe like an origami artist.

When the two minute microwave cooking time was over, I instantly remembered one annoying flaw… the center of the pizza doesn’t cook right! How can this be? It surely took an engineering team at Nestle a lot of time to devise this special microwave box contraption! Didn’t they notice? I begrudgingly put the pizza on a regular plate and back into the microwave for 15 seconds.

Lean Cuisine photo
Why so much dough?

Upon removing the now cooked pizza, my hopes faded a little. I think this is actually one frozen food that looks worse cooked! As I cut up the pizza another one of my past criticisms resurfaces… the proportion of elements is roughly 90% dough, 5% sauce and 5% cheese. I don’t know what they should be ideally, but not that.

And then there is the taste… just poor. Once I again I remind myself not to buy it in the future. Mostly what I taste is the dough with an acidic tomato sauce and a hint of cheese-like substance. In fact, I would have to say that overall Lean Cuisine Four Cheese Pizza is really a pizza-like substance.

Celeste Pizza For One

When I saw the small box stuffed in an awkward spot of the frozen food section, I was immediately skeptical of this product’s quality.  From its location at the very top of the freezer compartment, near the door frame separating sections, I got the feeling the store wasn’t proud to be selling Celeste Pizza For One.

I vaguely remembered this product from the ancient past, but it had been a long time since I actually noticed one in a store. At $1.59, I was curious. If it turned out to be inedible, at least this pizza wouldn’t be a large investment.

The instructions said the pizza could either be baked or microwaved. I thought microwaving it would definitely result in something horrible, so I opted for a 15 minute bake in my toaster.

celeste pizza for one

The finished product looked a little over baked, but that may have been my fault. And I actually prefer pizza to be overdone rather than underdone. The appearance was better than I expected.

With the first bite, I noticed the crust tasted kind of funny. Like a WonderBread of pizza crusts, it was not crunchy enough and bland. The sauce had a bit of tanginess, which I enjoyed, and while the cheese was clearly not of high quality, I’ve had worse on a personal frozen pizza. Overall, this pizza was not something I’d buy again but my dread at trying it was unfounded.